my friend committed suicide will i lose my job

I had heard that a mum in the same situation had taken her own life at that point. The six-month anniversary of his death was massively emotional for me. “I wondered if I could learn something that may support others in the future” However, I didn’t stay in that place, and on other days I found uplifting music and could remember my son and smile. Sometimes I listened to worship music that I knew would make me cry but I needed to do that. I had to develop coping strategies if I was to walk through this tunnel that is grief and not give into it. Having seen the pain his death had brought to so many I had to choose to live. Whatever my views were this gave me some peace in the situation.Īt this time the urge to be with him was easing and I had to physically choose to live or die. He was so well respected among his peers, which caused me even more despair.Īs the months passed, I realised I needed to accept that he was a grown man and this was his choice, as horrific as it was, he had made the decision to take his own life. I felt so desperately sad that he hadn’t spoken to me but realised how proud he was and he would never have spoken to me about what he was feeling. He never reached out to any of his friends or family. It made me realise that in this situation you don’t need words of advice or comfort but just people around to listen to you and be there.Īs weeks passed and events unravelled, we realised that he was in such a dark place. They visited us every day and just sat and listened, not offering words of advice or reassurance that “we would get over it”, or that “he was in a better place”, or “you have your other children you need to keep going for” – they just sat with us. I wanted to speak to anyone who may have seen him and arranged to do this.Īt that point I was desperately looking for confirmation that he hadn’t really intended to take his own life as I couldn’t bear that my son was so unhappy and I hadn’t seen that, despite him visiting me every day in the week before he died, as I had been unwell myself.Īs a family we were offered a family liaison officer, but I declined this as I had so much support from family and my church family too. I created a timeline of his movements from the Friday before he died until the Sunday. In my professional role I had been involved in investigations of serious incidents and initially I wanted to examine every aspect of his death and went to ‘investigation mode’. I felt guilty for having those feelings and I would never have acted on them as I didn’t want my sons to go through the pain of suicide again, however on reflection, it made me realise how vulnerable parents who lose children are in those early months. The feeling was overwhelming at times, but I was fortunate to be surrounded by people who allowed me to talk and cry as I wanted to, so I never bottled up my pain. I believed that my other sons had their own families and lives, and Marc was alone. Nothing could dissuade me away from wanting to be with Marc. No words of comfort or reassurance from family or friends could change my feelings, despite having a wonderful husband, two other sons and beautiful grandchildren. I didn’t realise that grief could cause such intense physical, choking pain and I wanted to die. In the days following Marc’s death, my life stopped and I was in a place of utter shock and devastation. “I was fortunate to be surrounded by people who allowed me to talk and cry as I wanted to” I will never forget the sadness on people's faces as we drove past. However, on the day of his funeral the main street in our town was lined with people paying their respects to him. This was reflected at his funeral, where due to Covid-19 restrictions still being in place we had to limit the numbers who could attend.

He was well-respected locally for the quality of his workmanship. He was a self-employed carpenter and had many connections through his work and was well known in our community. My son was such a caring and popular person, who had a good circle of friends. He had left a suicide note for his ex-girlfriend and myself, so not only did I have to deal with him dying but that he had wanted to take his own life, and as a mental health nurse I had not seen any signs of this. On 25 April 2021 my 36-year-old son, died in a road accident.

My friend committed suicide will i lose my job